Why ADHD in Women is Often Overlooked

ADHD is typically thought of as a disorder that affects predominantly young boys. This is often due to the more outward, hyperactive signs. The truth is, for many women, the signs of ADHD are less obvious, and their symptoms are often overlooked or misunderstood. As a result, ADHD can go undiagnosed for years - even decades. The common narrative about ADHD doesn't always capture the true experiences of women, especially those who struggle more internally than externally. If, like me, you’ve ever felt ‘different’ or like you’re working harder than others to keep up, this post is for you. Let's break down some traits of ADHD in women that you might not be aware of.

Inattentive, Internal, Symptoms and Masking

When we think of ADHD, we often imagine a child bouncing off the walls, who can't sit still and constantly fidgets. But many women with ADHD don’t exhibit theses hyperactive behaviors. Instead, they might struggle with inattentiveness: zoning out during meetings, losing track of time, forgetting appointments, or missing important details. These symptoms can be even harder to recognise because they are often hidden behind a mask.

Women with ADHD tend to work overtime to appear ‘normal’ - they put in extra effort to keep up with the demands of work, relationships, and daily life. This masking can make ADHD harder to detect, leaving many women feeling exhausted, like they’re constantly falling behind, even though they are doing their best.

Traits Mistaken for Anxiety or Personality Quirks

It’s common for women with ADHD to be misdiagnosed with other conditions, like anxiety or depression. The traits of ADHD - like racing thoughts, restlessness, and emotional overload - can easily be confused with anxiety. A woman with ADHD may appear excessively worried or anxious, but in reality, these are just the outward signs of a brain that is constantly processing too much at once.

Additionally, ADHD symptoms like forgetfulness, talkativeness, or the tendency to interrupt can be misinterpreted as personality quirks or lack of discipline. When the truth is, these behaviours are often a result of a mind that has trouble filtering distractions or keeping track of everything at once. It’s not a flaw; it’s the nature of ADHD.

The Emotional Cost of Undiagnosed ADHD

Living with undiagnosed ADHD can take a serious emotional toll. Many women find themselves caught in a cycle of guilt, shame, and self-doubt. They may feel like they are constantly letting people down, or that they aren’t capable of meeting the same standards as others. The emotional weight of ADHD symptoms often goes unnoticed, and this is where the cost really adds up.

When ADHD remains undiagnosed, women often internalise their struggles, leading to feelings of inadequacy. The never-ending cycle of disorganisation, missed deadlines, and emotional overwhelm can easily lead to depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. But the truth is, these emotional struggles are symptoms of ADHD - not personal shortcomings. Understanding this can be a huge relief, as it allows for self-compassion and a clearer path forward.

The Turning Point: Awareness and Diagnosis

The turning point for many women, and like myself, can come when they finally understand that their struggles might be linked to ADHD. This is often an eye-opening moment. I know it was for me. So much began to make sense. It’s like suddenly everything clicks into place - why you’ve had trouble with time management, staying organised, and juggling multiple responsibilities.

For many, getting a formal diagnosis is a relief because it brings clarity and helps them understand that they’re not broken.’ While I have personally chosen not to get a formal diagnosis, it’s important to stress that it is a choice, and whichever path you choose, trust it is right for you. Medication often becomes a possibility with a diagnosis. Know there are many ways to understand and help yourself in living with your ADHD. Based in the UK, there is the Right to Choose Pathway which your GP can refer you to and this is now the way to a formal diagnosis, should you choose.

Awareness is the first step in empowering yourself to take control of your ADHD. Once you know what’s going on, it becomes easier to adjust how you approach tasks, manage emotions, and set up support systems. ADHD doesn’t have to hold you back; once you understand it, you can start learning how to navigate the world in a way that works for you.

How to Support Yourself Once You Know

If you’ve recently discovered that you have ADHD, it can feel like a whirlwind of emotions and decisions. The good news is, once you understand your ADHD, there are many ways to support yourself. First and foremost, give yourself grace. You don’t need to try to change everything overnight - take things one step at a time.

Creating routines and breaking down tasks into smaller, manageable pieces can be helpful. For many women with ADHD, consistency is key. Setting up reminders and using tools like planners or apps to track tasks can take a lot of mental load off your plate. It’s also important to address the emotional side of ADHD by practicing self-compassion, learning to set boundaries, and seeking support from others who understand.

Wrap-up: You’re Not Alone - And It’s Not Your Fault

ADHD in women is often misunderstood, but now that you know more about the traits that can go unnoticed, you can start taking the steps toward managing your symptoms with confidence. It’s easy to feel like you’re the only one struggling, but remember, there are many women who are going through the same thing. ADHD is not a personal failing, and it’s not something you have to overcome by sheer willpower. It’s simply part of how your brain works - and with the right support and strategies, you can create a life that works for you. If you feel having a more organised daily system would be helpful, take a look at the Focus & Flourish Trio. I wouldn't be without mine!

TLDR: 3 Key Takeaways

1. Inattentive ADHD in women is often masked, making symptoms like forgetfulness and disorganisation easy to overlook.

2. Many ADHD traits in women are misdiagnosed as anxiety or personality quirks, which can lead to frustration and self-doubt.

3. Understanding and accepting your ADHD can be a game-changer - it’s not your fault, and support is available.